My Mother’s Poem

So last year, we had to move my folks into an assisted living facility. They’re doing really well there; the place is great, with lots of activities. And I turned around and my Mom had joined a book club! She’d been so busy for years taking care of their old house, but now she has time to do things she enjoys. Anyways, part of her book club assignment was to write a poem. A poem! My 84(!) year old mother writing a poem! Something I thought I’d never see… Anyway, it’s about my 90(!) year old father’s mutton chops. I told her I’d post it on my blog, (yup, I’m a Mama’s boy, don’t care who knows it) so take it away, Mom!

Whiskers

You didn’t have them when we first met, and what is that, you ask? Whiskers!

They start out slow and as they grow, they grow so slow, then there they are, whiskers!

Some people think whiskers distinct, they think them unique.

If you had whiskers, what kind would they be? A beard might look good, or maybe a goatee.

When first you grow them, they’re called peach fuzz. Or maybe you would prefer more hair – mutton chops.

But now that you have them, whiskers that is – how do you care for them, and trim them all neat?

You cut them, you trim them, they’re so very neat. The fact that you have them is truly a feat.

And now that you have them – a real tour-de-force, why not shave them all off and start over again?

And so ends my thoughts, on whiskers that is. If you had thoughts, on whiskers that is, please add them here!

Charlsia Schall

Sisters Brothers book review

This is the first time I’ve ever written a book review, so bear with me here.

I recently finished reading The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt. It’s a western novel, insasmuch as it takes place on the West Coast. There is no Louis L’amour stagecoach robbing here; this is a plodding and methodical read of deliberate action and thoughtless cruelty.

The Sisters brothers, Charlie and Eli, and sent on a mission by the Commodore, an Oregon crime lord (say that three times without laughing) who has been wronged by a man named Warm(?). Charlie is the tough one, Eli is the thoughtful one. Anyhoo, The Sisters brothers trek their way down the coast, basically acting like pricks the whole way, robbing and killing with reckless abandon.

They eventually find Warm, just outside of San Francisco, and learn that he has discovered a way to easily find gold in rivers. He has concocted a solution, that when poured into a river, causes the gold in the rocks to glow, thus making for easy pickings. Although it turns out the chemical solution is deadly caustic. And I looked it up; there is no known way to do this. Patrick deWitt is taking serious liberties with chemistry.

The book has some action, but is basically more of a character study. Much of the book is comprised of the main characters talking and thinking about themselves, and it’s very introspective. Don’t get me wrong; this is a good book, but if you are looking a a shoot-em-up western, Unforgiven style, you might want to keep moving on.

I understand it’s going to be a movie, coming out very soon, starring Donnie Darko, River Phoenix’s brother, the guy who backs up Will Ferrell, and some other guy. It will be interesting to see how it translates to the big screen.

If you are looking for brainless western action, this is not the book for you. If you are looking for well-done, in-depth, character development, this is DEFINITELY the book for you. I enjoyed reading it.

That’s all for now. Thanks!

Testing

Ground control to Billy Baxter…

Proof from Amazon that I can’t write good

 

So I got a proof copy from Amazon of my novel, and it is FULL of grammatical errors. Spell check is only good for spelling werds rong. It doesn’t find the plethora of other errors that I found. ‘They dogs’ instead of ‘the dogs,’ things like that. So I am going through page by page, hunting down the mistakes. It’s a bit like a treasure hunt of shame. Hope everybody’s well!Angry_teacher

Final rough draft is done!

elephantWell, it has been a year, and the final rough draft of the novel is done. Now it’s off to the editors. And by editors, I mean people I know who have the time and patience to wade through 400 pages of crud and turn it into something readable. At least this part is done! If anybody wants a copy of the draft, just let me know. Now it’s time for a break, then onto a rough draft I’ve finished for another novel. Hope everybody’s well!

Rejected!

deniedMy first rejection! The New Yorker did not like my story. I am told that every writer, at any level, has a room full of rejection letters. I’m gonna need a freakin’ warehouse. Anyway, it *is* the only thing I’ve submitted so far, as I am concentrating on the novel, so that makes me 0 for 1. I’m hoping to hit above .300 some day, but I’d be happy with .190. That would get me in the rotation. Anyway, the typing continues!

Still writing

Well, I’m 32k words into the rewrite. Slow going, but plodding along.

I guess it doesn’t help that I am very low IQ, a sleepy-eyed son of a bitch, and get paid 130k in hush money to bang ugly dudes who are bad at being president.

Oh, well. I’ll continue on!

Hope everyone is well!

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